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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432125">gray areas and expectations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwitegay/pseuds/kwitegay'>kwitegay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Drinking, Forgiveness, Friends With Benefits, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mistakes, Sadness, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:55:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432125</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwitegay/pseuds/kwitegay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>" He looks pretty even in the darkness, streetlights from below are the only thing illuminating his face and... Will needs to tell him. "<br/>-<br/>a friends with benefits arrangement gets a little bit tricky when feelings and fears get involved</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Elmslie/James Marriott (background), George Andrew/Will Lenney, Will Lenney/Mia | miaxmon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>gray areas and expectations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>angst feelings and venty writing!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Is it selfish to want more when he already has so much?<br/><br/>Will mulls over the question a few times and he just doesn't know - all he can think is how right now, he wants so much more.<br/><br/>George's fingers are grasping as his arms like he's his only salvation, lips pressing hard into his own.<br/><br/>He looks up at him with big eyes and a gentle smile, almost begging him to kiss him again and again.<br/><br/>Will feels like hours pass and they're just kissing, hands roaming and testing waters and he wants more. So much more.<br/><br/>"No obvious marks," George reminds him breathily, "Subscribers get nosy."<br/><br/>Will nods but he desperately wishes he could leave hickeys across his neck - dark purple marks to remind them both of the time they spend together.<br/><br/>This doesn't mean anything, Will has to remind himself as he pops open the bottle of lube. It's just platonic, he reasons, curling his fingers in the way he knows makes George unravel.<br/><br/>George looks so beautiful under him, back arching off the mattress like he was meant to be pressed into him.<br/><br/>It can't mean anything. He knows that, even as they both finish, his name falling from George's lips. It can't mean anything. Even if Will wants it to.<br/><br/>It doesn't happen often necessarily - but often enough that Will doesn't feel the need to sleep with anyone else. It was a simple arrangement - just don't catch feelings, which George said won't be a problem.<br/><br/>"Well I'm straight," George had said, shrugging simply.<br/><br/>"You're straight," Will echoed, "George mate I just came in you, you can't seriously say-"<br/><br/>George cut him off, "Hey, what we do in the bedroom stays there."<br/><br/>His tone was joking but there was a layer of something genuine in his eyes, so Will just shut up.<br/><br/>He doesn't remember exactly when his feelings for George turned romantic, but it was far before they started sleeping together. He'd started to notice things about him - like the way his eyes smile more than his lips, or how he filled his cheeks with air when frustrated.<br/><br/>He taps on the desk when editing and he has a collection of candles that would put a bed and bath store to shame. He picks at his nails when nervous and fiddles with his curls and Will is so in love with him it hurts.<br/><br/>It can't just be him. George's fingers are trailing across his arm and his heads on his chest and they're listening to a playlist with soft music - there's no way this is just platonic.<br/><br/>It started as just a quick thing - a sloppy handjob when no one was around, Will pushing George against a wall when the sun dipped below the horizon.<br/><br/>After a while, it evolved into George climbing into his lap, kissing him hard, and asking to be held when it ended.<br/><br/>"You know what I wanna do?" George says, leaning up too look at him. Will already misses his touch.<br/><br/>"Normally I'd say yes so a round two but I'm still pretty tired-"<br/><br/>"Shut up," George grins, pushing at his chest gently, "I wanna go sit outside."<br/><br/>Will raises an eyebrow, watching as he pulls on his sweatpants, "Why..?"<br/><br/>"Dunno, just because? Won't be too many stars but it's still night time and I do love night time."<br/><br/>Will wouldn't do this for anyone else, but he will for George. Soon enough he's pulling on his clothes and following George onto him and Alex's balcony - Alex, who was currently out with his mates.<br/><br/>It's chilly and they can barely see the stars through the thick clouds but the fresh air is nice, especially after sex. George leans his elbows against the railing and Will stands beside him.<br/><br/>"Sometimes," George says, voice quiet, "I wonder how different everything would be if I never started YouTube. If I never moved to London. If I never met any of you."<br/><br/>"That's a sad thought," Will says. He looks pretty even in the darkness, streetlights from below are the only thing illuminating his face and... Will needs to tell him.<br/><br/>George looks at him soft and smiling, and leans up on his toes to kiss him. It's gentle and it makes Will's chest flip and that <em>definitely wasn't platonic</em>. He kisses him back, hand sliding to his back and bowing his head so he can make it stronger.<br/><br/>They almost never kiss outside of sex. Why the change?<br/><br/>George pulls away, eventually, pursing his lips together and looking back off the balcony.<br/><br/>"I'm tired," He says suddenly, "Can we go back inside? It's kinda cold."<br/><br/>Will nods and they slip through the balcony door. George is walking a bit fast and Will pauses, "Hey can we - can we talk for a minute?"<br/><br/>George halts, turning to him after a beat, like he was anticipating something.<br/><br/>"Sure," He says stiffly, "What's wrong?"<br/><br/>"It's just," Will starts, "We've kind of been dancing around this for a while but I feel like I can't hold it in anymore-"<br/><br/>If Will didn't know any better he'd say the look on George's face way dread.<br/><br/>"I have feelings for you," He finally admits, "Like actual, romantic, I want to do more with you than just sex feelings; Take you on dates, have you sleep over without the awkward mornings-"<br/><br/>"Will," George whispers. His face is unreadable and that scares Will the most - He looks like a statue. It's quiet, deafeningly quiet, and he says nothing.<br/><br/>He hears him swallow and the silence in the flat feels like an alarm.<br/><br/>"Say something," Will says, clutching his own arms like his life depended on it.<br/><br/>George bites at his lip, "Will, I can't," He says quietly, "I'm straight."<br/><br/>Silence.<br/><br/>Will feels his eyes start to sting - "You have got to be kidding me."<br/><br/>"Will, I told you that when we started this whole thing-"<br/><br/>"George we've been sleeping together for months. You had my cock in your mouth like two hours ago, you spend the night and we cuddle and you <em>kissed</em> me out there, if you seriously think you're straight then you're fucking delusional," He's crying now, and that pisses him off more because how could he cry in front of George?<br/><br/>He looks taken aback, "I'm not delusional..."<br/><br/>"Clearly you fucking are!" Will says, raising his voice. He never wanted to yell at anyone, let alone the guy he's in love with. In that moment though, anger floods his veins and he can't fucking believe George has the audacity to deny the connection they have.<br/><br/>George looks scared, almost, eyes wide and lips parted and how dare he be close to tears when he's the one breaking his heart.<br/><br/>Will takes a deep breath, "Was it just me making things up then? Because if there's seriously nothing going on here then that makes me fucking crazy to believe there <em>was</em> and I refuse to believe I'm crazy George."<br/><br/>He doesn't answer - he's not even looking at him anymore.<br/><br/>"Unbelievable," Will spits, grabbing his jacket on the side of the couch, "Fine."<br/><br/>"Will, wait-"<br/><br/>He doesn't listen - can't listen, because if he turns around and sees George's big eyes begging him to stay he would. And he can't. Not now.<br/><br/>So he doesn't. He leaves, closing the door and walking down the hallway, jogging down the stairs because if he doesn't stop moving he'll lose his shit and he needs something to make him feel like a person again -<br/><br/>"Woah, Will, are you okay?"<br/><br/>Will blinks to get the tears out of his eyes and sees Alex at the entrance of the building. He must be done with footy now and about to go back home, because he's holding a football under his arm and a frown on his face.<br/><br/>"No," He says, quiet, "Not even a little."<br/><br/>"Why don't you come up to mine we can talk?"<br/><br/>Will shakes his head, "It's George.."<br/><br/>Alex's eyebrows furrow but he nods slowly, "Okay, well how about we go to yours? We can talk or just play FIFA or something and get your mind off it?"<br/><br/>"Yeah, yeah okay..."</p><hr/><p>"Here," Alex says, handing him a mug of tea, "It might not be great because I'm not used to your kettle but I tried and that's what counts."<br/><br/>Will smiles weakly, "Thank you."<br/><br/>Alex sits beside him, elbow on the back of the sofa. "Wanna talk about what happened?"</p><p>Will sighs, fingers tapping on the mug. Maybe he should just be stupidly blunt.<br/><br/>"I'm in love with George and he rejected me hardcore saying he's straight even though we've sleeping together for weeks."<br/><br/>Alex's eyebrows raise and surprise fills his face, "Holy shit - Uh, wow, that is a lot of new information."<br/><br/>Will laughs bitterly, "Yeah and now I feel like a fucking mug."<br/><br/>Alex is quiet for a moment before he speaks softly, "Well if it's any consolation, we're in a similar boat, but.. me with James and it's not like we've shagged at all but he definitely doesn't like me the way I like him."<br/><br/>It does make Will feel better, in a way, to know he's not alone.</p><p>"So you like James, I like George, and we're both destined for heartbreak?"</p><p>"Seems that way, yeah."</p><p>They talk over tea for an hour or so, about what they love about George and James and what they hate about them, it's comforting. Neither of them are alone.<br/><br/>Will finds out about just how long Alex has fancied James, about how long he's been hurting. He tells him about how fucking George made his feelings even more intense.<br/><br/>Alex looks at him, eyes curious. They both need some sort of release, that much is obvious. Whether it's a good idea or a terrible one, it's late and the flat is empty besides them and...<br/><br/>It's not the same, sleeping with Alex.<br/><br/>His lips are too smooth while George's always seemed slightly chapped. His hair is straight and feels different between Will's fingers. His wrists feel different under his hands, his moans different in his ear. <br/><br/>Not bad - he's clearly a bit more experienced in the 'sleeping with men' field than George was. Fucking Alex isn't bad, but it doesn't mean anything. This is how he was supposed to feel when fucking George, but he had to mess it up by having feelings for him.<br/><br/>Maybe in another universe, another lifetime, he could love Alex. Quiet his never-ending words with his mouth, slow dance in noisy clubs, it could be easy. <br/><br/>But he doesn't. Because Alex loves James, and Will loves George and as much as he almost wants to feel something romantic as he fucks him, he doesn't.<br/><br/>They don't cuddle, after. Alex grabs his phone and they joke around like it didn't even happen - which is probably for the best.<br/><br/>"Wanna order some nandos? I'm fuckin' starving mate."<br/><br/>Will stands to pull back on his sweatpants, "Sounds good."<br/><br/>And it's as simple as that. Nothing changes because they just needed something to channel the frustration into, and it works until Alex is gone and he remembers the hurt in George's eyes.<br/><br/>"He's a fucking idiot," Alex says one day maybe a week later, barging into Will's flat. <br/><br/>"James?" He asks, watching as Alex kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his coat. <br/><br/>"Yes, he's a fucking idiot," He mutters, "Don't wanna talk about it."<br/><br/>And then he's leading Will to his bedroom and pulling off his shirt and Will's too pent up to care. <br/><br/>They fuck, messy and loveless and fueled by frustration and it really is a good way to release some tension but he still feels so guilty.<br/><br/>He thinks about George, his smile and how he tastes and his hair and he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish Alex was him. <br/><br/>He doesn't feel guilty for that though, because he knows that Alex is probably thinking the same thing he is. <br/><br/>"So What'd he do?" Will asks after they're both worn out. <br/><br/>"He basically told me that he's bisexual and has feelings for someone and wouldn't tell me who. He went on for like fifteen minutes about the person and it hurt so much to listen to."<br/><br/>Will laughs, "I think you're the idiot here."<br/><br/>Alex turns to him, eyebrows furrowed. <br/><br/>"He's talking about you, idiot, I'm 95% sure. You should talk to him."<br/><br/>And that's how he lost his second fuckbuddy. He developed feelings for the first and helped the second get with his now boyfriend.<br/><br/>Then he's thinking about George again. He's thinking about how it felt to inhale the moans from his mouth and kiss him until his lips go numb.<br/><br/>It's been almost a month since Will confessed and their whole arrangement collapsed - the thing that hurts the most is Will is beginning to forget how George's skin felt against his.<br/><br/>He drinks. He drinks a lot. Filling his veins with vodka and whiskey until he's not thinking about George's ocean eyes and soft giggle.<br/><br/>It's unhealthy, he knows, and he vows he'll knock it off everytime he's bent over the toilet, releasing the fluid from his stomach while Gee rubs concerned circles on his back but he can't. He knows he's lying to himself.<br/><br/>There was a part of him, small but persistent, that started to believe that George was his soulmate. And now all he is is heartbroken.<br/><br/>His back is pressed against the cold bathtub, eyes blurry with tears and gasping for air.<br/><br/>"Poor thing," Gee whispers, handing him a cup of water as she reenters the the bathroom.<br/><br/>He frowns for a moment, "Please don't pity me."<br/><br/>"I don't," She defends, "You do this to yourself - the alcohol thing, I mean. I'm just sad that you feel bad enough to do it."<br/><br/>Will swallows her words with the water and shrugs pitifully, but it's almost like the water fuels his tears because then he's sobbing.<br/><br/>"Oh honey," Gee mutters, sitting on the floor so she's facing him, "Come here."<br/><br/>She takes the cup and places it to the side, and he collapses into her, head to her shoulder as he runs her nails through his hair.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry he hurt you," She says, not above a whisper, "I'm sorry you're hurting."<br/><br/>And all Will can do is cry, helplessly into his friends shirt on the bathroom floor, wishing more than anything that he could've fallen for someone else. Anyone but George.<br/><br/>Why couldn't he have fallen for Gee? She's sweet and funny and so comforting, but she feels more like a sister to him than anything.<br/><br/>He could've fallen for Alex, his annoying wit and talkativeness and the fact that he actually likes men. But as much as he almost wishes he could've, he didn't fall for Alex. Or Gee, or any random girl or boy he stumbled across.<br/><br/>He fell for George, and now he's here, being helped into bed by a sober Gee who definitely feels pity for him after all.<br/><br/>She brings him more water and flips off his lights with a simple "Get some sleep." and he's alone.<br/><br/>He hasn't washed his comforter in a month because it still smelled like George - cedar wood and roses with a bit of vanilla but as he burries his face in it he can't smell a thing.<br/><br/>His smell is gone, as well as his presence in Will's bed and then he's crying again. He can't tell if it's the alcohol or the scentless comforter but there's nothing Will wants to do more but disappear.</p><hr/><p>Will really shouldn't have agreed to go out to a club with his friends. Alex and James, having talked through their feelings, were now the most annoying couple he knows. <br/><br/>James' arm is slung around his shoulder. He knows for a fact that Alex told James about their one night stands but James didn't seem to care - what's in the past is in the past, right?<br/><br/>George is dancing already, having started drinking before they'd even gotten to the club. Fraser is off with his girlfriend and that leaves Will with the couple.<br/><br/>"Try and talk to someone," James says, swatting him in the arm gently with his hand.<br/><br/>It's code for 'Go find someone hot to stop moping over George, idiot' and Will knows that, but he doesn't mind entirely.<br/><br/>He dances with a few people, a few pretty girls and handsome boys but no one is able to tear his eyes away from George for more than a few seconds. George, who is still dancing with a nameless girl badly done blonde highlights.<br/><br/>Eventually he sits, dejected and mopey yet again at the bar. He orders a shot of something he couldn't pronounce and waits for it to wash away his nerves. Maybe wash away his feelings, too. <br/><br/>He hears someone sit beside him and glances - Woah.<br/><br/>She's gorgeous, simply put, dark hair falling just above her shoulders. Her lips are crimson red and she's smiling wide and he teeth are whiter than ivory.<br/><br/>Her dress hugs her perfectly, and she's looking at him like she's sitting here just to talk to him. And Maybe she is.<br/><br/>"Hiya hun," She says, and her voice is like velvet.<br/><br/>"Don't think I've ever seen you here before. Granted, I've never come to this particular bar," Will jokes albeit a bit nervously, and she laughs. Gorgeous.<br/><br/>"I'm Mia," She says, smile lingering. <br/><br/>"Will."<br/><br/>She crosses one leg over the other, red lips twisting in a smirk, "Well, aren't you gonna ask for my number?"<br/><br/>"Can I get your number?" He asks, not even thinking to turn and glance at George and bad-highlights girl. This girl - Mia, is far more interesting right now.</p><p>"Yes you can, Will."<br/><br/>He thinks for a moment, that he could see himself being with her. Maybe he could learn to love her. Maybe he could learn to unlove George. Maybe this is good for him.<br/><br/>Spending time with Mia is amazing. She's funny, a firecracker with witty tongue and ambition like nobodies business. He takes her to dinners, buys her bouquets and she lets him, allowing him to treat her how he always wanted to treat a partner. The way he always wanted to treat George.<br/><br/>She tastes like cherries and red wine and her hands feel warm resting on his leg or laced with his fingers and she's just amazing in every sense of the word.<br/><br/>Things are perfect with Mia, really, like a fairytale. It's perfect. She's perfect.<br/><br/>And Will still isn't happy.<br/><br/>He wants to be, so badly.<br/><br/>For a while he falls into her spring fields and tulips and forgets about George's autumn leaves and his roses and it's wonderful. He lets himself be consumed by her laughter and kisses and sense of adventure and it feels so good.<br/><br/>But George is still there, and so is Will's pain.<br/><br/>It's easier to be friends, after a while, to forget about the sex and the tears and the love he felt for him. They start filming together again and it's less awkward to hang out.<br/><br/>George asks thinly veiled questions about his relationship with Mia. "How is she?" "How are you two doing?" Will knows it's just a way for him ask if Will is happy without him.<br/><br/>He's been dating too. Well, going on dates, it never goes past that.<br/><br/>George will mention it, passively, and Will finds out details through Alex.<br/><br/>"He said he just hasn't felt a connection with any of them," He shrugs.<br/><br/>Will hums slightly, "Sound familiar."<br/><br/>Alex sighs, "Will-"<br/><br/>"I know I know, it doesn't do me any good staying bitter."<br/><br/>Alex looks proud, "Exactly - and hey, you have Mia."<br/><br/>Will thinks about her - her warmth and her kiss and her body against his. It's still hard to not compare.<br/><br/>But she likes Will, his romantic gestures and she doesn't mind wearing his tshirts around like she's his, and he's hers, and it feels so good to be consumed by someone in a healthy way.<br/><br/>"I've got to go," She says, pressing a kiss to his lips as he swings her bag over her shoulder, "But I'll see you tomorrow night, yeah? Dinner?"<br/><br/>He smiles and confirms, kissing her again and she doesn't stop him. Doesn't get cold and tell him he's got it all wrong. He doesn't feel delusional.<br/><br/>She leaves and Will smiles, until about three minutes later when there's a knock at the door.</p><p>He's opens it, about to tease Mia for leaving something again, but it's not his girlfriend standing there. It's George.<br/><br/>"Oh," He says, "Hi - were we supposed to film today and I forgot?"<br/><br/>"No," George huffs a laugh-thats-not-really-a-laugh and looks down, "Can I come in?"<br/><br/>Will shrugs and lets him, and then notices how tired George looks.<br/><br/>"Hey are you good man? You look like you've seen a ghost."<br/><br/>George flinches at the sound the door makes when it closes and now Will is really worried.<br/><br/>"Will," He whispers, "I'm such an idiot."<br/><br/>Will frowns, "What's going on?"<br/><br/>There's a beat of silence and George looks at him with those deep blue eyes coated in red and lip quivering, "I'm in love with you."<br/><br/>Nothing. Will dreamed about hearing those words, months and weeks and days he'd spent wishing they would leave his mouth but all he can feel now is nothing.<br/><br/>At least for the first thirty seconds, then he feels anger.<br/><br/>"You're fucking kidding me."<br/><br/>It's been months since the night George rejected him but suddenly Will feels like he's right back there. George's crossed arms and cold words.<br/><br/>"No," George says, "I mean it, I-"<br/><br/>"You're not in love with me," Will whispers, "You're trying to hurt me again, aren't you? Do you think this is funny?"<br/><br/>George looks a mixture of confused and hurt but Will can't even care.</p><p>"I would never try to hurt you-"</p><p>"You.." He feels tears threaten to fall, voice wavering, "You broke me, George. Do you know how much I cried over you?"<br/><br/>"I'm so sorry," He says, "I never meant to-"<br/><br/>"Oh spare me that shit," He says, hands balled into fists at his side. "Do you know how fucked up this is? We slept together, over and over, I loved you <em>so much</em>, I would've done anything for you and you <em>knew</em> that. You broke my heart and cool, I got over it, I got a fucking girlfriend, George, and now you wanna say you're in love with me?" Will pauses so he can swallow and wipe his tears. "You might be the most selfish person I've ever met."<br/><br/>George is crying, panting like he just ran a marathon, "I know," He says, "I know this is selfish and stupid but seeing you with her it just -"<br/><br/>"You're mad because you're not the only person I care about anymore," Will says, and George groans.<br/><br/>"No, Will, godammit I'm mad because I spent so long lying to myself saying I didn't have romantic feelings for you and that the sex didn't mean anything but I can't keep lying anymore!"<br/><br/>It's silent again, but George speaks again before Will can even comprehend his words,<br/><br/>"And then I saw you with Mia, flirting and laughing and you looked so happy and as selfish as it sounds I was so angry."<br/><br/>His voice is quieter now, like he's worried someone other than Will can hear him even though Gee is away.<br/><br/>"I hated her, Will. She was never anything but sweet to me and I hated her because for her, loving you is so simple and it's never been simple for me. She didn't hurt you the way I did, and I hated her because she deserves you, and I don't and you look so happy with her but I -" He closes his eyes, "I want you to be happy with me again."<br/><br/>Will feels like he assumes people feel during an earthquake, desperately trying to make the shaking stop by stabilizing yourself but it keeps going and he's absolutely devastated.<br/><br/>"You need to go," Will says.<br/><br/>"Will, please, can we-"<br/><br/>"George," he interrupts, "Please, I beg you, leave so I can think?"<br/><br/>He sighs, looking at him once more on his way to the door before he disappears, leaving the pain and confusion with him.</p><hr/><p>"That is so fucking unfair of him!" Gee says, furiously cracking an egg into the pan. "If I see that little ginger man I swear to god-"<br/><br/>"Gee, you're just as small," Will points out, "Also he's more ginger-brunette than actual ginger."<br/><br/>She rolls her eyes, "Not the point, Will Lenney."<br/><br/>He knows she wouldn't actually fight him or anything of that nature, but her support does help. It's nice to feel like there's someone on his side.<br/><br/>"Do you actually hate him?"<br/><br/>"Course not," She says simply, "He's my mate, I love him, but that doesn't mean I can't see that he's very wrong in this situation."<br/><br/>"Do you think," he says quietly, "He actually loves me?"<br/><br/>"Doesn't matter!" She exclaims, pushing her egg with the spatula. "One, you have a girlfriend, two, he broke your heart and three, you have a girlfriend."<br/><br/>"I'm supposed to go to dinner with Mia tonight," He groans, "How am I meant to act normal?"<br/><br/>Gee sighs, "You put on your big boy pants and talk to her. She'll understand if you're a bit shaken, she's mature."<br/><br/>He knows Gee is right, as she is most of the time, but that doesn't make it easier to walk up to Mia's door.<br/><br/>She opens, in pajamas and clearly confused, but happy, "You're quite early for dinner in... eight hours."<br/><br/>He laughs and she lets him in, "Can I get you some tea?"<br/><br/>He shakes his head and sits with her on the sofa.<br/><br/>"Is there a reason you're so early?"<br/><br/>Will suddenly regrets this very very much because how is he supposed to have another talk that could make his life an earthquake.<br/><br/>"Are you feeling okay?" She asks, pressing her knuckles to his forehead to feel his temperature, "You're a little warm-"<br/><br/>"George told me he's in love with me."<br/><br/>She falters for a moment, "Oh," she says, eyebrows raised, "Well that's... interesting.."<br/><br/>Will had told her about his relationship with George - not everything, just the surface. He definitely didn't tell her that his mind was still consumed by him, even before his confession yesterday.<br/><br/>"We had a pretty big argument."<br/><br/>Her feet are perched on the edge of the couch and her knees rock back and forth as she thinks. "How are you feeling?"<br/><br/>He sighs gently, eyes resting on the vase on her coffee table - the one that's filled with the flowers he'd gotten her the other night.<br/><br/>"I don't know. I'm mad, I suppose."<br/><br/>She nods slowly, like she's calculating something "Will," She says, gentle and velvet as always, "Do you love me?"<br/><br/>"...What?"<br/><br/>"It's just -" She shrugs, "I know we haven't said it yet, but I love you and - and I know you well enough to say that I don't think you're just angry about George's confession."<br/><br/>"What else would I be feeling?"<br/><br/>She looks disappointed, for a moment, that he didn't return her words but then she smiles softly, "Is there a part of you, even just a little part, that was happy when he confessed?"<br/><br/>His chest feels heavy, and he pauses, pressing his lips together.<br/><br/>"Ah," She whispers, and when Will finally looks at her she's not angry - she looks sad, but understanding in a way, and maybe that hurts more.<br/><br/>"Mia, I-" He tries, but he can't say it. He can't lie to her. "I like you," He finally says, "I like you so much, but I - he..."<br/><br/>"It's okay," She whispers, eyes teary but she's still smiling, still trying to assure him when he's the one hurting her. "Do you love him?"<br/><br/>Will can't handle crying right now - and he didn't deserve to, with the way Mia is still rubbing his arm like he's the one being hurt here.<br/><br/>He thinks about her question - does he still love George? He broke his heart, worse than anyone ever has - but as he thinks about Mia's words he realized, there was a part of him elated that George loves him.<br/><br/>With a heavy chest he nods, slowly, "I think I do."<br/><br/>"Okay," Mia says, still gentle and still understanding, "Can we still be friends?"<br/><br/>That's when Will realizes that oh, this is a breakup, "Of course we can," He whispers, taking her hand, "I'm so sorry."<br/><br/>"Don't be," She says, "I want you to be happy and - you can't control your feelings."<br/><br/>He hugs her, chin resting on the top of her head as if he was going to war - and maybe he was, in a way.<br/><br/>"What do I do now?" He asks, after she declares she's making him tea whether he likes it or not.<br/><br/>It's green tea, because it's Mia, and she doesn't look sad anymore when she hands the mug to him - tired, maybe, but not sad.<br/><br/>He also knows her well enough to know she's just trying to be supportive.<br/><br/>"You just gotta talk to him, hun," She shrugs, sitting back down and blowing on the steam from her own mug. "It might be a hard conversation, but you can't run away from it."<br/><br/>He nods, sipping at his tea.<br/><br/>"I think I do love him."<br/><br/>"Go tell him that."<br/><br/>He pauses, looking at her still-gentle smile, "You know something," He says, "I think you're my best friend."<br/><br/>And it's true. The past few months they'd worked on building a relationship, and he did love her, but just not in the way he should love a girlfriend.<br/><br/>"Thank you. Seriously - for being so understanding, for being so kind."</p><p>She smiles, looking down and shrugging, "It's what friends are for, right?"</p><p>When he gets home, he sits with Gee at their kitchen table, and tells her everything. She's supportive as always, tells him to be careful and to make sure he sleeps on it.<br/><br/>So he does.<br/><br/><strong>Will:</strong> Can I talk to you about something serious?<br/><br/><strong>Alex:</strong> Course, always.<br/><br/><strong>Will:</strong> Fuck, can't type it all out<br/><br/><strong>Alex:</strong> Call me.<br/><br/>"Fuck mate, I'm sorry," Alex says after Will explains, sounding bewildered at his twenty-minute rant.<br/><br/>"On one hand," Will swallows, "I love him, I really do, but what if... what if he..."<br/><br/>He doesn't have to say it, Alex knows.<br/><br/>"I know it doesn't help much but you seriously need to talk to him. Do you think you could forgive him?"<br/><br/>Will nods slowly, even if no one can see him, "Yeah I reckon I could, I'm just so scared."<br/><br/>Alex hums into the phone, "I never wanted to mention it because I thought it'd mess up what you had going with Mia and you seemed happy but about a week after you and her got together, George got drunk - like can't-stand-straight and close-to-vomiting drunk."<br/><br/>"Okay?" Will asks, kicking his feet on the coffee table.<br/><br/>"And I doubt he even remembers honestly but all he could say over and over was how much he fucked up and how much he wishes he could've realized 'it' sooner, and I'm assuming 'it' is-"<br/><br/>"Him liking me too."<br/><br/>"Yeah."<br/><br/>Will rests his head on the back of the couch. Gee is out again, with Talia and Freya he assumes, and the flat is dark and painted in grays.<br/><br/>"I called him selfish, when he confessed, I mean. I actually said a lot of harsh stuff - don't get me wrong, a lot of it was warranted, but I still feel like shit about it."<br/><br/>"He'll forgive you the same way you forgave him," Alex says, "But you can't keep putting the conversation off. Talk to him - he's awake now, I can hear him pacing from my room."<br/><br/>"It's past eleven."<br/><br/>"So? Not like we're not nocturnal anyways."<br/><br/>"Yeah," Will swallows, closing his eyes, "Yeah okay."<br/><br/>10 minutes. George said he'd be over to talk in 10 minutes.<br/><br/>He looks in the mirror, running his fingers over the bags under his eyes and squinting hard like it'll make them go away.<br/><br/>He ruffles his hair a bit nicer and then focuses on tidying up the apartment a bit. He takes a shot of vodka for the nerves and then waits.<br/><br/>He counts down the seconds, hands clasped in front of him until there's a knock at the door.<br/><br/>He springs up but waits for a few seconds before he opens it.<br/><br/>George is smiling, nervous and apprehensive and Will can feel his worry from here.<br/><br/>"Hey uh - come in, yeah."<br/><br/>They sit on the couch, apart like strangers.<br/><br/>Neither of then speak for a moment, surveying each other like they'd just met.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry," George breaks the silence, "I fucked up Will, not just once, but over and over and I had no right to say all that to you when you're in a relationship."<br/><br/>Will purses his lips - he wants to mention him and Mia splitting, but not yet.<br/><br/>"Did you know you had feelings for me when I confessed to you?" Will asks, watching George's fingers tap at his thighs.<br/><br/>He thinks for a moment, "Not consciously, but I think I knew deep down. I liked sleeping with you, obviously, but in my head I was still straight - hell I think it's still a little hard for me to believe I'm in love with a guy."<br/><br/>Will gets the butterflies for a minute, the ones he's only gotten around George, when he says the word love.<br/><br/>George continues, "But like I said earlier, I think I only started to confront those feelings when... When I saw you..."<br/><br/>"When Mia and I got together?"<br/><br/>"Before that," George looks at his lap, "When I saw you talking to her at the bar, that day at the club, I saw the way you were looking at her and she's gorgeous so of <em>course</em> you were smitten and she's so godamn nice and yet, like I said, I hated her immediately."<br/><br/>Will feels his eyebrows furrow, "That's when it clicked?"<br/><br/>George nods, "I felt... Jealousy, in a way I've never felt before, because you were looking at her the way you used to look at me and I just wanted you to look at me like that again."<br/><br/>"Why didn't you tell me when you realized?"<br/><br/>He laughs slightly, "Well, the revelation kind of slammed into a bit of a breakdown, honestly. I got as drunk as possible, slept with a random girl I had no feeling or attraction to and ended up sobbing in her bathroom."<br/><br/>"Oh no George," Will laughs and they share a smile. Will feels a flutter in his chest and he knows George felt it too because they lock eyes.<br/><br/>"I'm so sorry," George whispers, "I'm sorry for continuing to sleep with you when I wasn't ready for love. I'm sorry for rejecting you and icing you out and i'm sorry for letting myself confess when you have a fucking girlfriend-"<br/><br/>"Had," Will interrupts, "I had a girlfriend."<br/><br/>George looks at him, eyes squinted and a confused yet - almost excited look on his face. "Had?"<br/><br/>"We broke up. I told her about your confession, she told me she loved me and I... I couldn't say it back."<br/><br/>"So you don't love her?"<br/><br/>Will is quiet. His skin is warmer than it has been in months it feels like because George's eyes are sparkling like sunlight and it's a heat he hasn't felt for so long and-<br/><br/>"I love you," Will whispers, "I've loved you for so long, George, I absolutely am in love with you but I'm so scared, you understand that right?"<br/><br/>George nods quickly, scooting closer and resting a hand on his face. The feeling of his fingers brushing against his cheek is so familiar yet for a moment, is so new and refreshing he feels his eyes slip closed.<br/><br/>"I love you too Will," He says, and ill opens his eyes to see that his are filled with tears. "I love you unlike I've ever loved anyone and I feel like such an idiot for letting so many things get in the way but I'm here...now and...Can I kiss you?"<br/><br/>Will swallows, head feeling dizzy and George's eyes are like sunlight and he doesn't even think twice before leaning forward and connecting their lips before he answers.<br/><br/>Months. It's been months since he's kissed George and in seconds he remembers just why he was addicted to his lips.<br/><br/>It's different, than kissing others.<br/><br/>It's not like Alex, who tasted like pop-tarts and energy drinks and nothing even a little romantic but that's okay. It's not like Mia, who loved her sticky cherry lip glosses and making exaggerated noises when she pulled away and she was cute, <em>so</em> cute, but there weren't sparks. Not the way there are now.<br/><br/>They kiss each other senseless, lips numb and red and hands exploring places they used to know like the back of their hands. Will slips his hand under his shirt and George shivers deliciously and arches into him and Will missed this so damn much.</p><p>It won't go away immediately. The fear, the nervousness - and maybe it'll be hard to discuss labels but Will doesn't let any of that bother him. Not anymore. <br/><br/>"Fuck, I love you," George whispers, eyes hazy and and clinging to Will's arms like the day Will confessed and he makes the dim evening apartment feel like the brightest afternoon.<br/><br/>Will doesn't even respond, just kisses him again.<br/><br/>He runs his fingers through his curls and admires the freckles dusted across his arms, "I missed you."<br/><br/>"You don't have to anymore," George says simply, "I'm here, and you're here, and neither one of us is crying-"<br/><br/>Will laughs, because he just might cry if he keeps thinking about how long he's wanted this. "Just let me kiss you again, idiot."<br/><br/>For the first time since Will first felt himself fall for George, he doesn't feel a yearning. He doesn't feel hungry for something he can't have.<br/><br/>Running his fingers through George's hair and talking to him about nothing - he feels like he finally has everything he could possibly ask for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you enjoyed! this was in large part a vent fic but im hoping you liked :) comments and kudos are very appreciated, i wanna keep writing for this fandom but it gets hard bc i feel like the fic content is almost nonexistent these days</p></blockquote></div></div>
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